During the many, too many years in which I experienced autoimmune " disease " and studied day and night by myself (while everyone thought I was crazy) to understand what was happening to my body and to find therapies to get better and then heal I really understood what SOLITUDE means.
The deeper one, the loneliness of the soul where you are constantly trying to stay afloat but sinking deeper and deeper into despair.
Others, rightly so, go on with their lives while YOU stand still almost motionless and watch the chaotic life around you go on, maybe not go on in the way you would like, but flow nonetheless.
At that point you become a spectator of life, no longer the protagonist even of your own, and you watch as from behind a shop window other people make careers, have children, take trips, play sports, dance, employ their earnings for their own future while I employed all mine in doctors, analyses and even useless therapies, because, to get to the right ones, you often have to go by trial and error.
I now realize how lonely I was during the darkest years, partly by choice, partly because the loneliness was there even in the physical presence of other people, indeed there was even more because it was difficult for them to understand the situation I was really in.
My SOLITUDE was, therefore, mostly a choice and I would do it again. It was only from that solitude, in fact, that it was possible to bring out the time for study and study in depth; in addition to the therapies I was always studying and researching, not just the research that is now usually done online and which, if not known how to do it properly, can be anything but useful.
I was looking for contacts of other people who had made it, of doctors who are in the 'shadows because they apply unofficial protocols. I was reading books. Lots and lots of books and journals on medicine, homeopathy, immunology, natural and other remedies. I used to listen to videos and lectures to know as much as I could about the topic I was interested in i.e., autoimmune disease in the early days, only to realize that that was not enough, otherwise I would have made the mistake that, unfortunately, "science" commits, i.e., considering my body as an exclusively biochemical and material entity.
However, I will not forget the few kindred souls who were able, even if from afar, to help me not to feel completely lost; one day not far away I will name and thank them all, hoping not to forget anyone.
Now, with the overly chaotic and often meaningless life we find ourselves in, I almost come to regret some moments of solitude, abandonment and deep reflection but I always try to recover them through the constant practice of meditation.
I suggest that you always seek this beneficial solitude within you; even in the midst of all this maddening world allow your soul to rest and never allow anyone to distort your true nature and deepest desires.