The human soul is as mysterious and difficult as there is to be studied, predicted, understood.
Every kind of science that has tried to catalog it has certainly found constants but has never been able to understand why, often, the harder a goal seems to be to achieve, the more you want it.
So it is with Love, that feeling that overwhelms our whole lives and that we begin to experience in our teenage years, that time of life when it seems as if time never passes, dreaming of an ideal love or beginning with the first boyhood stories made up of secret dreams and illusions.
We grew up connecting Love to torment, to passion that we must conquer through suffering and struggle.
Here, in the collective imagination, suffering feelings are the ones that have most inspired novels and works of art. This imagery has created unconscious beliefs that then influence our emotions, many of our choices. We feel more fulfilled with a tortured and difficult achievement.
All of this, while it is true that, over the centuries, it has inspired poets and playwrights and continues to inspire music and songs, in reality, with True Love has little to do, indeed, with experience, it will be understood that Love authentic does not cause pain but, on the contrary, inspires confidence, serenity, firmness of mind and purpose.
Love energizes and makes you feel more centered.
Of course, all of this contrasts with a reality that offers us a very unedifying landscape every day when one considers couples who are truly united and happy are increasingly rare to find.
Certainly, the more you live in a fragmented and vacillating society, the more you will feel the importance of loving and being loved.
Those who have a troubled background behind them are unlikely to be able to build a family on a solid foundation without first taking a path of deep soul-knowledge and will continue to baste stories that are all destined to end and bring only suffering and loss of energy and years of time that could be much more profitably employed.
For these ever-troubled souls, Love is lack, it is obsession, it is suffering. When the relationship becomes more solid and if the other person is present in the daily routine, without realizing it, they will easily soon take it for granted. Under these conditions it will become increasingly difficult to maintain the sense of magic and respect that every love story is entitled to.
I venture to say that most stories end because of this, always looking for the excitement that only the adrenaline of the early days and that only difficult conquest can give you is impossible to maintain over time.
Few are aware of this dynamic and will inexorably get involved in stories in which they exchange love for something else.
It is not from nostalgic lack that one can tell how strong a feeling is but, on the contrary, it is from how fully one is able to experience it in the his presence.
It is in physical and emotional closeness that one can truly feel how great and solid and true a feeling is; the need for troubled or hard-to-get loves have nothing to do with love.
Just as it is not a good reason to justify disrespect with the fact that we have been together for so many years and have therefore acquired a certain confidence.
Let us repeat it as a mantra: Love is not feeling lack. It is feeling presence.
All of these topics are covered in this book, which I recommend:
The love we can experience in today is no longer meant to make us suffer, but to make us free.
Today we can know its anatomy and penetrate its mysteries.
The Seven Principles of Love - Preface by Salvatore Brizzi
There is a little-known but wonderful flower remedy to try for those who need to learn to love according to a principle of freedom, self-respect and respect for others; for those who are dependent on the person they love in an exaggerated, obsessive or possessive way.
Bleeding Heart - California Flowers
Buy it discounted here:
Affective dependence, possessiveness